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Posts Tagged ‘Anger’
Over the last few years, i.e. since I have been married, and especially over the last year; I have started to see a major emotional problem that I have developed growing up. My emotional problem has been Suppressed Emotional Expression. I grew up in a drug abusive, and alcoholic family, which was not good for the emotional well being of any child. The two main emotions expressed in my house were extreme anger or sadness or despair. I was very emotional as a child, I think part of this was in response to my family life and circumstances. This was clearly unacceptable to my father, who made it clear that men do not cry and if I wanted to be a man I wouldn’t cry about every little thing. At some point in my teen years I began suppressing almost all of my emotions. I’m not exactly sure at what point this started however, I believe it began around the time of my severe depression and drug use in my late teens. As a result of this emotional suppression for the last 12 years I have struggled with properly expressing most of my emotions.
My biggest problem has been my short fuse. It seems that it doesn’t really take that much to blow my top, and naturally my anger is usually disproportionate to the situation. My anger is the only real emotion that I don’t have a problem expressing. What initially caused me to start looking into my emotional problems was the problems that quickly began to arise in my marriage. These problems ultimately culminated in an affair and pretty much forced us to face our problems as a couple and to address our own personal issues as well. We sought treatment from a counselor to assist us in dealing with our issues personally as well as maritally. This caused me to really investigate where my problem stemmed from and then how to address it.
Part of the solution has been an acknowledgment of the problem itself. This in itself didn’t fix the problem, but it has helped me to consciously attempt to remedy it. The other more amazing solution has been my acceptance of Christ a little over a year ago. Since then I have noticed an amazing improvement in my ability to express my emotions in a more sensible manner. I still struggle everyday with my anger issue and will probably continue to struggle with it for the rest of my life.
There is a common saying that, “Time heals all wounds.” However I don’t believe that is true. Here is a more true saying “Christ heals all wounds.” This is a realization that I have come to over the last year or so; that Christ wants my heart to be healed, and He will heal it if I entrust Him with it. I’ve also realized that God brought me through all the troubles of my life and childhood so that I would place my trust and faith in Him. I have endured hardship and struggle so that I would trust in His wisdom rather than that of men, so that I would glorify Him over everything.